Why does my 14 year old daughter leave her stuff everywhere?

“My 14-year-old daughter leaves her things all over the place. When it’s time to go to school, dance class, or visit her grandparents, she can’t find anything. I end up helping her search, make her lunch, and pack her things. She gets out the door on time—but I’m left behind, stressed. Now I’m seeing the same behavior in my 10-year-old daughter. Other parents say, ‘Just let it go.’ But how do you let go… without going crazy yourself?”

Helper 1:“A lot changes in a teenager’s brain and body during puberty. Planning and organizing becomes harder—we sometimes call it ‘teen chaos.’ Teens usually find it easier to be organized when it’s about something they care about. Maybe your daughter doesn’t see these activities as important, or she knows you’ll take care of it anyway.

Instead of jumping in to help, try making a plan together. Talk about: When will she pack her schoolbag? How will she make sure her sports clothes are ready? Who makes her lunch? And what happens to the lunchbox afterward?

Let her write it all down. Ask if she wants occasional reminders from you, or if she prefers to do it all herself. This helps her take responsibility. If something goes wrong, don’t fix it right away. Instead, reflect together afterward on what could be better. It also sets a good example for your younger daughter.”

Helper 2:“Many teens get distracted easily. There’s a lot going on in their lives—and their phones are always close. Instead of ‘letting go,’ I like to call it ‘loving support.’ It’s about finding the right balance between helping and allowing her to experience the consequences of forgetting something.

Talk with her about what she struggles with. Ask: ‘What’s not working yet? What do you need? What can we agree on?’ Maybe a laundry basket in her room could help her put sports clothes away right away. Make simple agreements together.

It’s okay if she’s late to something low-stakes, like dance class. But do help her if she’s about to be late for something important, like a test. And try to laugh about this phase—it’s part of growing up, and it will pass.”